Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
