it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
