I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
