And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Duck Duck Cougar?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
