Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Randomize
