the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
