She's JV to your varsity
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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