Your mouth is God's brothel.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
