Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
