take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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