so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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