i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Randomize
