look no pants
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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