If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
