dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
