We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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