3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
