after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
