I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
