yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
