ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We left the knife in your bed.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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