My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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