Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
