Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
