If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
