After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
well most of my day revolves around power hour
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
