So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
