I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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