just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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