if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I hope mine doesn't look like that
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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