Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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