if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
