Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
