I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
