She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
