U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
