omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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