we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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