Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
