i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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