Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
