she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Actions speak louder than pants.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
