shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
