Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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