So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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