I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
