is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
