We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
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