i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
