He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
