Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
