i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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