If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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