my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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