Buhtt sex?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
