so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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